A Person Truly Grows Through Parenting

When I was young, my dream was to be a teacher. At that time, teaching seemed easy and cool. Everyone has a dream when they are young and works hard for that dream. So they train and develop their skills, study their major, gain various experiences, or increase their physical strength depending on what their dreams are. Through doing these things, not only do they produce great results but they also gain a sense of accomplishment. Come to think of it, whatever I want in my life is not just suddenly given, but requires effort. Therefore development to realize one’s dream and future is important.

But what about parenting? When it comes to parenting, everyone says it is very demanding. That is obviously true, and in my case ‘this demanding work’ began after my first child was born without any development whatsoever. To be honest, I didn’t think I need preparation to be a parent. I was under the impression it just came naturally like aging, because I thought that it is a part of life. My parenting journey started off with more work than I could handle. It was unimaginable and I was overwhelmed. I kept thinking how ironic it was that someone with so little preparation had so much responsibility. So I was curious about how this human being (my son), who couldn’t do anything by himself, would grow up and wanted to find more information. 

I began to study an educational psychologist, Piaget(1896~1960). He said that human development grows in four stages. Piaget’s stages are as follows- Must rely on others for everything after birth (even physiological problems) stage 1(age 0~3). Thinking specifically- stage 2(age 4~8), Think about causality and start a specific logical thinking process - stage 3(age 9~12), and logical and abstract thinking process creates problem solving – stage 4(age 13~16). My children are in stage 2~3 now. I realized that parenting is difficult to formulate because there are too many variables, and there are individual differences between all people. I also realized that other successful parenting methods don't necessarily work for my kids. 

I need wisdom to adapt my parenting style to my child depending on their level and situation. My children are boys. Sometimes a boy’s physical area extends beyond their parent’s tolerance. For example, the downstairs neighbor complains about the noise. So, instead of staying inside- I make my kids go out and play, but every time they do that, it seems like they get hurt, hurt their friends, or break something. This is our everyday life. 

What about school life and studying? My oldest often forgets his homework and never carefully packs his school supplies. Even if he did his homework, the handwriting and contents are all too often below any respectable teacher’s expectations. Before my son started elementary school, I used to feel happy just looking at his smile. But as he is growing up, I found that I am often angry when he doesn’t meet my expectations. One day my eldest son said to me, “Mom, I can't do everything well, I'm not good at English, but I do well in math. So don't be disappointed mom." I reflected on myself and looked back on my actions through my son's words. Of course everyone has something they do well and all people born as a special beings, but I have been judging him only by his school performance. 

Parenting also includes but is not limited to nurturing, mental development, and discipline. Sometimes as a parent I want to discuss these things with my husband, but he is too busy with his work. So I feel like all of this parenting work falls back on me. I used to think, “Why didn't anyone inform me how difficult parenting is?” But now ten years in, I’ve become strong. It seems that the experience of raising my boys has given me wisdom and hope. In other words, I think I’m becoming a more mature person. Furthermore, the happiness of parents can lead to the happiness of their children. This is the key to my children’s happiness.

 I still get frustrated and upset with all the trial and error. This is my experience and may not be your case. There are no perfect children, and certainly no perfect parents. We embrace each other with love., and as they grow it is an opportunity for me to development.